Chris Partlow drives a Navigator too.

Last night/early this morning I had the longest dream. And it went like this.

BEGIN DREAM SEQUENCE

I was driving and I was low on gas. And for some reason, instead of just filling up. I somehow transformed my Honda Civic into a Lincoln Navigator. Of course. But then I still had about an eighth of a tank in my new whip. That really doesn’t make much sense. So I’m not happy because I still need to get gas, and then I realize how uncomfortable my new Nav is.

The seat is weird, and super low, so I can barely see over the wheel. But then I realize there is a flip down booster in the seat back so i flip that down to get to a comfortable riding level. So I’m okay now, but still need gas. I pull up to my first stop light and realize, “shit, this doesn’t stop very well at all.”

I look down to realize that the brake is situated, not next to the accelerator, but on top of it as a smaller toe sized pedal in the middle. So stopping and going is a very touchy process. But it’s a dream, so I figure that out pretty quick. And then for a quick, unrelated minute, I remember thinking of Whoopie Goldberg. No wait, it was Oprah. Maybe both?? I’m not really sure.

But I pull up to a light (this all takes place in my hometown of Rocklin, Ca), and I’m behind an Asian guy, on a mountain bike, in a Lakers jersey, and a bucket hat. The weird part was, there are bike lanes everywhere in Rocklin, so why was he in the lane making a left in front of me. OH SHIT! Dude has a gun!

He’s not facing me yet, but this gun is just out in the open, and I see him cock it. My toe is resting in the complicated brake pedal, ready to hit the gas, when he makes a small turn around on his bike and walks up to my fly ass tinted windows. This is the weird part. Because it is a dream, I don’t act like a pussy like I would in real life. I would normally hand over the keys, and probably throw in my wallet just to be safe. But this time I decided to peel. I hit the gas!

A U-turn? Why would I do a U-turn instead of just flying by this guy and making a right? I don’t know, but it worked hella good. I’m flying away from this guy and he jumps on his Huffy and chases me. I’m right near the left turn toward my house but I don’t want this dude to know where I live, so I go right instead, leaving this fool in the dust.

All I can remember is driving around town, making tons and tons of U-turns, contemplating how long I should wait to go back. Because this Lakers fan is probably offended by me not respecting his steel, just pulling U-turns in his face, I take the long way to the McDonald’s in Roseville where I was meeting my friends. And just before I get there. I wake up. (Who meets their friends at a McDonald’s? Even in a dream, where things don’t make sense, that’s pathetic.)

END DREAM SEQUENCE

My roommate was knocking on my door to ask if I wanted to go to breakfast with him before work. Did you know that Denny’s was giving away free Grand Slams this morning? Just free. That’s four choices of any twos. I was going to go for the 2 Bacon, 2 Pancakes, 2 Eggs, and probably 2 more bacon. All for free. But I was so tired I couldn’t even answer when he knocked. I tried, and literally couldn’t say any words.

This was probably the last story anybody would ever want to hear. Except the Denny’s part.

~ by Ryan Rosenberg on February 3, 2009.